Bringing a New Baby Into a Blended Family

Child Custody Questions? Ask Arlene

by Arlene Margolis-Devermont

While we all go into marriage with the best intentions, the sad fact is that divorce rates remain high in our country. However, many families are dealing with divorce, remarriage and joint custody in positive, healthy ways. Children are usually their parent's chief concern during times of transition, and Arlene Margolis-Devermont is here to help.

Q. My husband and I want to have a child together. We both have children from previous marriages and wonder how to handle this with our children? Any suggestions on how to deal with this issue with our kids?

A. Having a child together can be a wonderful gift for all of you if handled correctly. If not, it can be a nightmare. It is extremely important that your children know emotionally, as well as intellectually, that this new child is in no way more important than they are. It is not unusual for children to be threatened at least initially by the birth of a sibling. In this situation it can be even a greater threat. Children need to be reminded that we all have an infinite amount of love and that loving a new child does not reduce the love you have for the others. It is essential you let them know that no child is more important than they. It is also important to try as little as possible to let the birth of a new child disrupt your family schedule and the time you spend with them. It is difficult to keep the same commitment to your children's events when there is an infant in the house, but it is crucial to do so when you're in a blended family. It will make the children realize that although there is a new baby in your life they are still equally important. It is good to remind the kids that this child is the one person in the family you are all related to, the bond that binds all of you.