Child Custody Questions? Ask Arlene

Should Step Parents Discipline Step Children?

by Arlene Margolis-Devermont

While we all go into marriage with the best intentions, the sad fact is that divorce rates remain high in our country. However, many families are dealing with divorce, remarriage and joint custody in positive, healthy ways. Children are usually their parent's chief concern during times of transition, and Arlene Margolis-Devermont is here to help.

If you'd like to Ask Arlene your questions on raising kids in blended or divorced families email her at askarlene@familymagazinegroup.com.

Q. My husband and I have been married for 3 years. He has a 5 and a 7-year-old from his previous marriage who live with us half of the time. He does not think I should discipline his children when they are with us. I feel that this undermines my adult role in the home. He expects me to take care of them as if they are mine but I am an outsider as far as discipline is concerned. Is this reasonable?

I agree with you that it is not reasonable to expect someone to step into the role of a parent with all of the responsibilities and none of the authority. In your home, you are one of the parents and should have the ability to tell a child what to do. This of course would require the ability to impose consequences if the child does not listen. I think that in your circumstances the ability to impose discipline is necessary and to the benefit of all involved.

I want to qualify this by saying I do not think that physical punishment is appropriate. Further, I would not agree with this stand for all cases. In a blended family where the new parent comes into the child's life when they are much older, i.e. late teens, it is probably better to let the biological parent handle the discipline, as the new parent has come into the child's life too late to be a true parental figure.