Do Custody Terms Always Need to Be Put Into Writing?

Child Custody Questions? Ask Arlene

by Arlene Margolis-Devermont

My boyfriend and I live together. He has a son from a previous relationship. He has never gone to court to establish any set custody and/or child support. He does pay regular child support based on an amount agreed to by him and his ex. My concern is that he has not established any parental rights and the child's mother keeps moving him around. They have lived in 4 different places and his son has attended 4 different schools in the past year. I think my boyfriend should go to court to establish custody and limit what his ex can do without the father's permission. My boyfriend seems reluctant to get a court order for anything. What do you think?

I agree with you that it is best for all parties concerned that the courts establish who has what say over what issues. This is not always the case, however. When parents can get along and are in agreement with each other as to what's in the best interest of their children, court orders may not be necessary. In your situation, that does not seem to be the case. A child changing schools and residences 4 times in one year is not acceptable. That your boyfriend doesn't want to go to court for the sake of his son does not speak well. I would strongly encourage him to establish some custody order. He needs to have some say in his child's life. I hope his reluctance to go to court is not a result of something you don't know about that if his ex may bring to light in court and use against him. Barring that reason, it is important to establish a joint custody arrangement so that he has a say in his child's life