Establishing Summer Visitation Rights

Child Custody Questions? Ask Arlene

by Arlene Margolis-Devermont

While we all go into marriage with the best intentions, the sad fact is that divorce rates remain high in our country. However, many families are dealing with divorce, remarriage and joint custody in positive, healthy ways. Children are usually their parent's chief concern during times of transition, and Arlene Margolis-Devermont is here to help.

This month, we are highlighting some of the past questions that have particularly resonated with parents. If you'd like to Ask Arlene your questions on raising kids in blended or divorced families email her at askarlene@familymagazinegroup.com.

Q. I am very angry at my ex over our children's summer schedule. We have joint custody and each have the children for half of the week. My ex wants to keep the same schedule we have during the school year with us each planning the summer activities for our kids on our days. I want to have the children participate in an activity or camp for a month and then my ex pick the activity or camp for the second month of the summer. My ex and I have gotten along quite well with the joint custody arrangement up until this issue. I am tempted to go back to court to have the judge decide. What do you think we should do?

You did not mention the age of your children. If they are old enough to understand such a choice, it would be nice if you and your ex could consult them on how they feel the summer will work best. If that is not possible, I would advice you to think about this carefully. It is summer vacation and any activity your children participate in most likely will not suffer because they participate 3 or 5 days per week. Summertime is not the same as the school year. During the school year, consistency is obviously very important, but this is not the case in the summer. You note that up until this issue your ex and you have done well co-parenting your children. Given that, and unless there is some other reason you have not pointed out for your concern over this issue, I would let it go. Going to court and letting a third person decide what's best for your children is not usually the best route for any of you. This can only cause conflict for you as well as your children. Let this summer go and see how it turns out. It may prove to be better than you thought, and, if not, you can then discuss changing it for next summer.