Handling Vacations On a Joint Custody Schedule

Child Custody Questions? Ask Arlene

by Arlene Margolis-Devermont

While we all go into marriage with the best intentions, the sad fact is that divorce rates remain high in our country. However, many families are dealing with divorce, remarriage and joint custody in positive, healthy ways. Children are usually their parent's chief concern during times of transition, and Arlene Margolis-Devermont is here to help.

If you'd like to Ask Arlene your questions on raising kids in blended or divorced families email her at askarlene@familymagazinegroup.com.

Q. My ex and I have 2 children. We have 50/50 custody and alternate each week having 3 days one week and 4 days the next. This works out very well for the children. The problem I now have is that my ex wants to take the kids on vacation for 3 weeks this summer. I don't think this is fair as I won't see them for that 3-week period. Further he has mentioned it to the kids before discussing it with me. They are now excited to go. I think that this is too much time away. How can I get him to see that?

A. Your concern and upset over the fact that your ex brought this vacation up to the kids without discussing it with you first is justified. That is not a good way to handle things when you are divorced. I think it important that when you discuss this vacation with your ex you let him know that in the future he needs to mention anything this important with you before involving the children. That said, I do not agree with you that 3 weeks is too long for your children to spend with their father, especially since they obviously want to go. It is difficult not to see your children for a few weeks and I understand that you may not be happy about that. Unfortunately that's what happens in divorce and it is a fact of life that one has to live with. Look at it as 3 weeks that your children will be having a good time on vacation. As children get older, it is not unusual for them to go away to camp for weeks. This is not very different. Additionally, you can trade the time and alternate so that you have 3 weeks to spend with your children over the summer as well. Don't let the fact that your children are with your ex lead you to deprive them of good experiences.