Should A Divorced Parent Move Across Country With the Children?

Child Custody Questions? Ask Arlene

by Arlene Margolis-Devermont

While we all go into marriage with the best intentions, the sad fact is that divorce rates remain high in our country. However, many families are dealing with divorce, remarriage and joint custody in positive, healthy ways. Children are usually their parent's chief concern during times of transition, and Arlene Margolis-Devermont is here to help.

Q. I am divorced and have 2 children, ages 11 and 8. My ex sees our kids every other weekend and 2 days during the week. The children are very close to him, although I think he acts more like the "Disneyland Dad", all fun and no discipline. I have been offered a very prestigious promotion at work, but it would require my relocating almost 1,000 miles away. Since I have primary custody and I am the main disciplinarian, I think the children should move with me. My ex thinks that we should leave it up to the children as to what they want to do. What do you think is best?

A. You won't like this but I think you should forget the promotion. It is devastating for children to not have access to both of their parents on a frequent and regular basis. Children of divorce suffer enough, and it sounds like your two have done okay so far. Don't make it worse for them now. It is not a question as to which parent they would be better off with. The issue is they need BOTH of their parents as much as possible. Unless your ex can move as well, I would put this move off until your children are both 18. It will happen sooner than you think and your children will love you all the more for it. Take it from a woman who has raised 5 children. You will never experience greater pride at any job as you will experience from being a good mother.