The Homework Dilemma

Whose Homework Is It Anyway?

by Judith Kasdan

In most families, a major source of conflict is the battle over homework. Often it's a battle to get your child to actually sit down and do the work. How many times have you heard, "it's boring" or "it's too hard" or "I'm too tired and I want to watch TV"? Other times, when the work is difficult or complicated, you end up doing most of the work just so that it's correct and finished on time. By the time homework is done, everyone is exhausted and angry. To make homework less stressful for everyone remember:

- Most children need a snack and time to relax and unwind before they start their homework.

- A homework plan should be tailored to each child. Some children do better when they work straight through and complete all assignments before they do anything else. Other children do better if they take small breaks in between. Ask your child which he prefers.

- When the emotional temperature in the room rises, it is important that you, the parent, sit back, take a deep breath, and become aware of what is going on inside of you, that you become aware of your inner emotional temperature.

- This isn't your homework; it's not about you. The teacher isn't grading you and your child is not an extension of you.

- You show your love and compassion as a guide and mentor by assisting your child, not doing the work for him. This teaches your child that it doesn't have to be perfect, that it can be "good enough." It's the effort that counts.

- Let the teacher correct the homework so you don't become the dreaded "policeman."

- Some teachers may not take the time to check and correct. As a guide and mentor, you can help your child to work independently by teaching how to use the dictionary, your computer's Spell Check, and other proofing aids. This will help your child feel ownership and a sense of pride in doing his homework. It will give him the tools he needs so that he's not overwhelmed as he gets older, and homework becomes more difficult.

-By showing your love as you guide your child, you will be fostering the parent-child connection and building his self-esteem.