Laguna Cliffs Marriott Resort

Xtreme Grandparents Go To Laguna

by Rubin Carson and Marilynn Record

"For real bunnies, pops?" "More real bunnies than you've ever seen in your life, sweetheart."

Fade in to 4-year-old Tamara, plus grandparents, en route to Laguna Cliffs Marriott Resort & Spa. If you were a fly on the wall for the hour-and-half drive from L.A., you'd think this 32-acre retreat perched above bluffs overlooking Dana Point Harbor was actually a Wild Safari Animal Park featuring cute rabbits.

After checking in, Tamara couldn't wait to see the bunnies. We took a walk through the grounds that resembled the manicured fantasy of some New England shipping magnate. Tamara squealed with delight as bunnies popped out from bushes, then U-turned in a flash. "Can we take one home with us grandma?"

Marilynn shook her head. "They belong to the hotel, sweetheart." "Just a teeny one?"

I chimed in. "The hotel will know. The bunnies have serial numbers."

Grandma gave me that "stop teasing her" look and declared: "Enough with bunnies. You and I are going to the spa while grandpa gets his surprise ready."

There's plenty for kids to do at Laguna Hills Marriott besides bunny-watching, but the prospect of seeing a four-legged critter always brightens her day. However, we bring a grandchild down here every Christmas or one reason only- to see the General Manager, Jeroen Gerrese, and his mind-blowing, super-duper, unforgettable sabre performance.

Let's dissolve quickly to the hotel entrance where the tall, 53-year-old, Dutch-born GM greets thirty or forty staff members and special guests. He waves a gleaming antique sabre over his head while explaining that he belongs to a French society of twenty-five Napolean buffs dedicated to opening champagne bottles with one sabre thrust. Why? Because Napolean couldn't be bothered getting off his horse during battle to use a corkscrew.

An assistant appears and hands our GM a magnum of Moet. Jeroen holds it up and with one slash of the sabre, slices the neck off without touching the cork. A geyser of bubbly cascades over Jeroen but he ignores it. Flutes are filled and everyone toasts, hoping against hope than an errant sliver of glass doesn't find it's way down some unlucky esophagus.

On the way home, Marilynn asks Tamara: "Did you like the sabre trick, honey?" A long silence, then: "Can we come back next year and see Napolean's horse?"

LAGUNA CLIFFS MARRIOTT RESORT AND SPA, 949-661-5000; 800-533-9748, www.lagunacliffs.com