The Most Important Books Parents Need

Parenting By the Book

by Dr. Jenn Berman

Every January, we make resolutions to improve ourselves. We all strive to be better parents: more knowledgeable, more patient, and of course, better read. An important first step in becoming a more informed parent is knowing what books to read. This month, I spoke to some of the top parenting and childbirth professionals in Los Angeles and asked them what books they most frequently recommend for parents to be better informed. This well-educated group of experts has over a century of experience between them with degrees in medicine, psychology, child development, nursing, and social work. This dream team of specialists is comprised of the following brilliant women:

Corky Harvey M.N., R.N., C.L.C. and Wendy Halderman M.N., R.N., C.L.C. are founders of the Pump Station and Baby Boutique (877-842-7867 or www.pumpstation.com). They offer a plethora of classes and support services for new parents, baby accessories, books and a menu of consulting services including their specialty, lactation consulting..

Bess Raker, M.D. and Kimberly Klausner, M.D. are two well-known Beverly Hills pediatricians.

Lori Sunkin, M.A., M.F.T. is a Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in issues related to infertility, pregnancy and post-partum depression. Sunkin is the co-founder of Mothercare (310-335-2791) which provides in home counseling services to women and their families.

Jill Spivack, M.S.W., founder of Childsleep is the most well-known childhood sleep consultant in Los Angeles. Spivack is a parent-educator and pediatric sleep consultant leading classes as well as consultations for individuals and families.

Jessica Schneider, M.D., is a Century City based Obstetrician and Gynecologist known for her skill and warm bedside manner.

Tanya Remer Altmann, M.D., F.A.A.P. (www.DrTanya.com), is a pediatrician in private practice in Westlake Village at the Community Pediatric Medical Group (805-495-0841). Altmann is a clinical Instructor at UCLA in addition to a media spokesperson, magazine columnist and medical consultant to the entertainment industry.

Donna Corwin is a best selling author of seven parenting psychology books. Corwin is a columnist, lecture and media consultant specializing in parenting issues

Donna Holloran, M.S.W. is a child development specialist and parent educator who runs the Santa Monica based Baby Group Inc. where she holds group classes.

Jackie Rosenberg, O.T.R. is a pediatrics and child development specialist who runs the Sherman Oaks based Babies First class (www.babiesfirstclass.com).

Pre-conception Preparing your mind and body for motherhood is as important a part of the transition to becoming a parent as taking your prenatal vitamins. One of the most frequently recommended books by our experts is Taking Charge of Your Fertility: The Definitive Guide to Natural Birth Control, Pregnancy Achievement, and Reproductive Health by Toni Weschler, M.P.H. I recommend this book along with Sunkin, Raker and Klausner. This book shares widely unkown but fundamental information about fertility with easily accessible charts and instructions to increase your chances of getting pregnant. This is especially helpful to those who are having trouble conceiving but is valuable information for all women. Sunkin also recommends Fertility and Conception: The Essentional Guide to Boosting Your Fertility and Conceiving a Healthy Baby--From Learning Your Fertility Signs to Adopting a Healthier Lifestyle by Dr. Karen Trewinnard B.M., M.F.E.P.

In preparation for pregnancy, Altmann recommends Eating Expectantly by Bridget Swinney. According to Altmann, "proper nutrition is so important when you are planning to get pregnant and in early pregnancy." This book addresses issues like meat eating, fish intake, aspartame, and many more. I also like Before Your Pregnancy: A 90-Day Guide for Couples on How to Prepare for a Healthy Conception By Amy Ogle, M.S., R.D., and Lisa Mazullo, M.D. This book addresses lifestyle habits, male preconception, nutrition, vitamins, diet, weight, body image, exercise, gender selection, and financial preparation.

On the emotional front Spivack recommends Surrendering to Motherhood: Losing Your Mind, Finding Your Soul by Iris Krasnow which tracks the emotional journey of successful journalist who became a full time mother. On that same note, I highly recommend The 7 Stages of Motherhood: Making the Most of Your Life as a Mom by Ann Pleshette Murphy.

Pregnancy

With the understanding that pregnancy is not for the faint of heart, both Altmann and I recommend Jenny McCarthy's Belly Laughs: The Naked Truth About Pregnancy and Childbirth. You will laugh out loud if you don't mind her extremely graphic descriptions of her pregnancy. I think there is something comforting about a Playboy centerfold's frank retelling of her 60 pound weight gain and hemorrhoids, but I understand it's not for everyone. Another very popular choice from our Dream Team is Vicki Iovine's The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy, while a more controversial choice is the best selling What to Expect When you're Expecting by Arlene Eisenberg, Heidi Murkoff and Sandee Hathaway B.S.N., which outlines each month from preconception through six weeks after birth. Both Corwin and Sunkin recommend this classic but Raker feels it is too alarmist. Schneider recommends Fearless Pregnancy: Wisdom and Reassurance From a Doctor, Midwife and a Mom by Victoria Clayton, Stuart Fischbein MD, Joyce Weck - written by an OB GYN, a midwife and a mom. Schneider describes it as a "practical book which focuses on the normal as opposed to looking for the worst case scenario in every symptom" and really likes the "very readable format." Rosenberg recommends Your Pregnancy Week By Week by Glade Curtis O.B.,Gyn and Judith Schuler M.S. which, true to its title, follows pregnancy week by week. In addition to explaining your changing body and your baby's development, the book aims to educate mothers about different actions and activities which can effect their baby at different stages of pregnancy. I really like Conception, Pregnancy & Birth: The Childbirth Bible for Today's Parents by Miriam Stoppard, M.D. This book is filled with photographs, drawings and ultrasounds showing the developing fetus and mother. It also has chapters on infertility, birth plans, nutrition, common complaints, medical emergencies, sex during pregnancy, labor, delivery, adjusting to parenthood and a special chapter for Dads.

Some believe parenting begins in utero, so Harvey and Halderman recommend Prenatal Parenting: The Complete Psychological and Spiritual Guide to Loving Your Unborn Child by Fredrick Wirth M.D., which instructs about prenatal parenting in order to improve neurological development in utero and create more peaceful babies. Spivack recommends Excited, Exhausted, Expecting the Emotional Life of Mothers to Be by Arelean Modica Mathews which has been described as "The 'What to Expect When You Are Expecting' emotions book".

Childbirth

Childbirth can be an overwhelming and frightening experience, especially if you are not prepared. The following books, recommended by Harvey and Halderman, help you make the best choice for you and your baby. They recommend: The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth by Henci Goer, The Doula Book: How a Trained Labor Companion Can Help You Have a Shorter, Easier, and Healthier Birth by Marchall Klaus M.D., John Kennell M.D., and Phyllis Klaus C.S.W., M.F.T., Pregnancy, Childbirth and the Newborn by Penny Simkin P.T., Janet Whalley R.N., B.S.N. and Ann Keppler R.N., M.N., Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin, Gentle Birth Choices: Making Informed Decision About Birthing Centers, Birth Attendants, Water Birth, Home Birth, Hospital Birth by Barbara Harper R.N., Birthing From Within: An Extra-Ordinary Guide to Childbirth Preperation by Pam England C.N.M., M.A. and Rob Horowitz PhD., and Mothering the New Mother: Women's Feelings and Needs After Childbirth a Support and Resource Guide by Sally Placksin.

First Year of Parenthood

Every pediatrician I interviewed highly recommends the American Academy of Pediatrics' book Caring for Your Baby and Young Child- Birth to Age 5. Altmann warns that the size of the book can be intimidating, so she recommends that parents only read chapters as needed. She also recommends Baby 411: Clear Answers and Smart Advice for Your Baby's First Year by Ari Brown and Denise Fields, which covers immunizations and other controversial topics. Another popular choice by the experts is The Happiest Baby on the Block: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Sleep Longer by Harvey Karp which is helpful for new parents. Sunkin, Holloran and Spivack recommend the The Gisell Institute Child Development Series, which explains year by year growth and helps parents understand their child's developmental leaps through the age of fourteen.

Breastfeeding has become the rage for this generation of mothers since it was shown to have numerous physical and even psychological benefits for infants. But breastfeeding does not come easily for many new mothers. Harvey and Halderman, as lactation specialists, recommend The Nursing Mother's Companion by Kathleen Huggins R.N., M.S., The Ultimate Breastfeeding Book of Answers: The Most Comprehensive Problem-Solution Guide to Breastfeeding From the Foremost Expert in North America by Jack Newman M.D. and Teresa Pitman, as well as The Breastfeeding Book: Everything You Need to Know About Nursing Your Child from Birth Through Weaning by Martha Sears R.N. and William Sears M.D.. Altmann also recommends New Mother's Guide to Breast Feeding by the American Academy of Pediatrics.

Harvey and Halderman recommend William Martha Sears' books The Baby Book: Everything You Need to Know About Your Baby From Birth to Age Two and 25 Things Every New Mother Should Know. Corwin is a big fan of the books by Berry Brazelton, M.D.

On the parenting front, Sunkin recommends The First Year Of Parenthood: Your Baby and Child by Penelope Leach. Spivack recommends A Mother Circle by Jean Kunharet & Lise Spiegel as a "must have, easy-to-read, comprehensive book on many issues pertaining to the transition to parenthood for both mom and dad as well as baby." Spivack, Holloran, Rakner and Klausner recommend Laura Davis and Janis Keyser's Becoming the Parent You Want to Be: A Sourcebook of Strategies for the First Five Years to help parents discover their own parenting philosophy and strategies. Corwin likes The Ten Basic Principles of Good Parenting by Laurence Steinberg who uses parenting research to outline the core ingredients of successful parenting from infancy to adolescence.

For new parents who have not spent a lot of time caring for children I recommend The Baby & Child Question & Answer Book by Carol Cooper, M.D. because this book, which is packed with lots of photographs, shows parents how to do everything from giving your baby a bottle to putting a jacket on an infant who can't hold its head up. Another book Rosenberg and I recommend (and I actually buy in bulk and give to my new parent friends) is City Baby L.A. by Linda Meadow and Lisa Rocchio, which lists great local baby resources.

Toddler Years Time-Out for Toddlers: Positive Solutions to Typical Problems in Children by James Varni M.D. and Donna Corwin came highly recommend by both Sunkin and Altmann. Altmann says it is a "great resource for dealing with terrible twos and all your toddler issues." Holloran, Rosenberg, Spivack and Sunkin recommend The Blessing of A Skin Knee: Using Jewish Teachings to Raise Self-Reliant Children by Wendy Mogel. According to Spivack, "I like parents to start to understand at 9 or 10 months that discipline is not a bad thing. Children need limits to become confident kids." She also recommends Parent School: Simple Lessons from the Leading Experts on Being a Mom and Dad by Jerry & Lorin Bieberman which is a collection of parenting tips and strategies from childcare experts like pediatrician William Sears, psychologist Lawrence Kutner, columnist John Rosemond and other doctors, therapists and writers. In order to help children develop a strong sense of self Rosenberg recommends Your Child's Self Esteem: Step-by-Step Guidelines for Raising Responsible, Productive, Happy Children by Dorothy Briggs. Sunkin also recommends The Highly Sensitive Child by Elaine Aron, Ph.D. and Coping with Preschool Panic by Michelle Nitka for coping with those specific issues.

One of the most common problems I see with toddlers and young children these days is sleep issues. Spivack, a sleep specialist, says her favorite book on the topic is Sleeping Through the Night: How Infants, Toddlers, and Their Parents Can Get a Good Night's Sleep by Jodi Mindell Ph.D. She also likes Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems by Richard Ferber M.D. and Marc Weissbluth M.D.'s Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child, as does Raker and Klausner. Harvey and Halderman recommend Good Nights: The Happy Parents' Guide to the Family Bed (and a Peaceful Night's Sleep) by Jay Gordon M.D. and Maria Goodavage and The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Your Baby Sleep Through the Night by Elizabeth Pantley.

Young Children Tweens Teens Raker and Klausner are fans of the American Girl series, particularly recommending The Care and Keeping of You by Valerie Schaefer and Norm Bendell from the American Girl Library. Schneider recommends Deal With it! A Whole New Approach To Your Body, Brain and Life As A Gurl by Esther Drill, Heather Mcdonald and Rebecca Odes. This book started as a website where young women were writing about issues that concerned them. Schneider says, "This book really reflects the wide range of things young girls are worried about and are sometimes afraid to ask. It is very comprehensive, has accurate information and is not too clinical."

Sunkin, Corwin and I recommend Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls by Mary Pipher, Ph.D. and Pushed to the Edge: How to Stop the Child Competition Race by Donna Corwin. Another Corwin recommendation comes from Altmann who is a fan of The Tween Years. Altman also recommends Caring For Your Teenager by American Academy of Pediatrics. Corwin is a fan of High School: The Real Deal: From GPA's to Graduation by Juliana Farrell and Colleen Rush Once you understand the mind and body of your child you need to know how to communicate with her. Rosenberg and I both recommend the classic How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish and Corwin recommends Stop Arguing with Your Kid: How to Win the Battle of the Wills by Making Your Children Feel Heard by Michael Nichols Ph.D..

I hope this great collection of books helps you to expand your parenting library and become the kind of parent you hope to be.