Tips for Coping with Required Bedrest During Pregnancy

by Martha Wegner

A few days ago, as my daughter and I were sitting in the car, waiting for the light to turn green, a young woman with an enormous belly crossed the street in front of us. "Mom, did you look like that when you were pregnant with me?" Well, yes, I had. But, although my belly was huge, I never walked around like that when I was pregnant. I, along with an increasing number of pregnant women each year, spent a good part of my pregnancy lying down.

No matter what the reason, bedrest can be a stressful time for the new mom-to-be as well as for the spouse and other children. During my first pregnancy, I thought spending 5 weeks on the couch was an incredible feat. Then, with my second pregnancy I spent 4 months on bedrest. Perhaps unwittingly, I became an expert on surviving this difficult time. So, if you are one of those who "get" to lie around for a few weeks or months, how do you survive? And if someone you know has been put on bedrest, just how can you help? If you are the mom:

This is your job. You may have just left the executive suite; you may have just finished your last shift at the restaurant. No matter, your job now is to let this baby grow.

Let yourself rest. Once I was put on bedrest, I wanted to catch up on all my reading. Problem was, 20 pages into a book, I fell asleep. I had to give up on my list of things I "should do". If you can't get to those things that you've always been meaning to do (putting all the pictures in scrapbooks, organizing your recipes), don't beat yourself up.

Get help. Accept help. I found that people want to help, especially if you give them something specific to do. Ask your partner or your mother to delegate the jobs. Call the friends that you know will be most helpful to you. Say "yes" when they offer to cook, to shop, to walk the dog.

Set up a comfortable place. One of the most helpful things my husband and sister did was set up a little "nest" for me. By my bedside they assembled the telephone, my directory, the radio, the television remote, magazines, a snack and my water bottle. Set up a schedule for yourself. I found that if I planned my day ahead of time, that is, what time I watched a certain television program, listened to a radio show, and phoned a friend, my day went by a lot faster. It was predictable, and I felt a lot less anxious.

Make yourself presentable. Being on bedrest does not mean you are sick. I found that brushing my teeth, combing my hair, and putting on a clean shirt lifted my spirits, and helped me start the day with a positive attitude.

Ask for professionals to come to you. My hair stylist was willing to come to my house to give me a quick haircut. Massage therapists can come to your house, as can ministers, manicurists, and decorators in. Counselors are often willing to talk to you on the phone. All you need to do is ask. Get childcare. You absolutely cannot take care of children when you are on bedrest. It is not fair to you; it is not fair to the child. If your child is not already in daycare, find some kind of childcare arrangement.

Look up www.sidelines.org. This is the website of the "Sidelines National Support Network". Along with articles and books on bedrest and high-risk pregnancy, this site will "match" you with a volunteer, someone who has previously experienced a similar pregnancy complication. Your volunteer can support you through email messages or by calling you on the phone. Go ahead and feel sad. Of course this is not how you wanted your pregnancy to go. It's disappointing not be able to shop for those baby clothes. Let yourself cry, let yourself be angry. After a while you'll start to accept that this is just another way to do pregnancy. It's not one you prefer, but it's what your baby requires.

If you are the support: Don't say to the mother on bedrest, "I wish I had the chance to lie around." Everyone tells her that. You may think that you would love the opportunity to lie in bed for days, but you don't. To have your freedom taken away, your ability to walk, to cook, to work, is a very difficult thing.

Call and ask how she's doing. Tell her what is going on out there in. Moms on bedrest can feel really isolated from the world. Get friends, family, and coworkers to cook dinner for the family. It is impossible for the partner to work all day, take care of older kids, and tend to the expectant mom. Having a regular evening meal that she can count on is a godsend.

Make plans for the baby shower. With my daughter my shower was postponed until after I had given birth. When I was pregnant with my son, we had a "bedside shower". Either choice works, ask the mom what she would like.

Go shopping for the nursery. My sister came home from stores with 2-3 choices, let me pick what I liked, and then returned the rejected items.

Give her projects. My friend taught me how to do cross-stitch. I had never done it, and haven't done it since, but it was wonderful having an easy project I could turn to everyday. Being on bedrest can be one of the most difficult times in a family's life. But with a little patience and a lot of support, you and your family can get through this. And soon you'll be holding that precious healthy baby in your arms, and it will all feel worthwhile.