How to Communicate With Your Teen About Alcohol Abuse

Help Prepare Your Child to Say No to Alcohol

by Dr. Angelee Reiner

Even before high school, children are tempted to start experimenting with alcohol. This is especially dangerous in preteens, as they test limits but have immature judgment and self-control. The most recent statistics are sobering. Data from the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) show approximately 10% of 9-10 year olds have already started drinking, nearly a third of youth have their first drink by age 13, and a quarter of 14 year olds report drinking in the past year. In fact, pre-teens who drink are more apt to binge drink, drink to get drunk and are more likely to become addicted.

As a parent, you play a vital role in influencing attitudes and behaviors in tweens as a role model and mentor. Whether they admit it or not, most kids don't want to disappoint their parents. Studies show less alcohol use among kids who have a good relationship with their parents. Even so, most parents are nervous about initiating this tough subject, are afraid kids won't be open to talk and fear what they may hear. Don't wait until after your tween has his first drink, now is the time to start talking with your children about alcohol use.

The way to build a strong and trusting relationship with your tween is to maintain open communication. Be available and encourage your teen to talk with you about any topic. Listen but avoid getting too emotional. If you hear something you do not like, remain composed, take a few breaths, get your thoughts together and calmly explain your feelings in a constructive manner. Try not to jeopardize losing their trust with rash responses, such as, "You better not do that or you'll be in trouble." Ask open-ended questions about his or her views on alcohol: "I've been reading about middle school students using alcohol. Do you ever hear about or know kids using alcohol or other drugs in your school?" This is a good lead-in to discussing the risks and dangers of alcohol.

Heavy drinking can damage the preteen's still developing mind; it can permanently impair memory, problem solving and verbal skills and can affect future academic success. Alcohol decreases reaction time, impairs coordination, vision and judgment. As a result, drunk driving is one of the leading causes of death of teens. Even if your teen cannot yet drive, many fatalities involve passengers of impaired drivers. In addition, intoxicated teenagers have an increased risk for alcohol poisoning, fatal accidents and are more likely to have unprotected sex or become victims of sexual violence. Also, many kids think that beer is "safer" than wine or hard alcohol. This is not true. A 12 oz bottle of beer contains the equivalent amount of alcohol as 5 oz of wine or 1.5 oz of hard liquor. Discuss facts about alcohol and dispel any myths or misconceptions they may have.

The media, especially advertising campaigns, perpetuates the glamorous image of alcohol making people happy, popular and "cool". A study of 5th through 11th graders found that those exposed to and who enjoyed alcohol advertisements have more favorable beliefs about drinking, are more likely to drink in the future and consume more alcohol. In fact, those who expect only these false attributes, begin drinking at an earlier age. While watching television shows and commercials together, discuss how alcohol use is portrayed. Point out how the negative effects of alcohol such as sadness, anger and poor judgment are commonly omitted from the media's messages.

As you know, tweens need boundaries and limitations and thus need to hear reasons why they should not drink until adulthood. You want your tween to avoid alcohol. Clearly state your expectations and establish consequences for not following through, but don't go overboard with scare tactics. Remind them drinking is illegal under 21 years of age. Mention drinking can also result in school-mandated punishments such as suspension or being kicked off an athletic team. In addition, negative social effects could result, such as being forbidden to spend time with close friends and attend social events.

Social status is very important at this age, and you should help your tween be prepared to handle peer pressure. Despite your best intentions, friends may pressure your teen to drink. Brainstorm ways to handle the situation and practice saying no. The best responses are short and to the point such as "No thanks." or "I'd get thrown off the team." Stress the importance of self-respect, yet acknowledge the need to belong and fit in. Have a plan if your teen becomes uncomfortable with friends; encourage them to call you for a ride without the fear of punishment. The more prepared your teen is, the more equipped they will be to handle situations that involve drinking.

Finally, be prepared to answer tough questions you may be asked with honesty. Remind your teen that you are an adult and over 21. Lead by example and drink in moderation. Avoid sending mixed messages by using alcohol to "unwind after a hard day". Instead, encourage your children to deal with stress and rejection in a positive rather than negative manner.

Talking to your teen about alcohol use is important in order to protect their future. Don't try to cover everything at once; you will have a greater impact by having several small talks through the years. Expect curiosity and remember you can't shield them from the social pressure to drink. Prepare them by keeping the lines of "communication without condemnation" open, and sharing the facts. Establish limits and always encourage self- respect. Good luck!