Help Your Child Remember and Work Through Graphic Dreams

by Catherine Anaya

How graphic are your dreams, and how much do you remember about them when you wake up? My dreams are often so detailed I wake up feeling like I just watched a movie. Sometimes they're scary and very easy to figure how they relate to my subconscious fears about work, children, marriage or anything else I might be stressing about at the time. Other times they're so ridiculous, I laugh the whole day telling others about them. Some are recurring dreams I've had since I was a child: the car rolling down a driveway and I'm unable to get the breaks to work (translation: feeling like my life is out of control) and showing up to work and the newscast is over (translation: fears about never quite measuring up)!

Adult dreams are fascinating and full of meaning. Are children's dreams the same? My kids appear to have inherited my ability to clearly remember their dreams. Just this morning, with his trembling 3-year-old voice, my son told me about the monster in his dream. The monster in the backyard ended up in the pool tied up in the pool vacuum. As he continued recalling the dream, my son's eyes lit up and a slight smile appeared in the corner of his mouth. He seemed to delight in continuing the dream sequence, describing how our dog barked at the monster, which caused a shark to appear and eat the monster! By the end of his story, he was smiling, appearing to marvel at his ability to create a story from just a small description of his "nightmare."

"Children are much more likely to have nightmares than are adults," says nationally known behavior therapist Cynthia Richmond. She's written a book called, "Dream Power - How to Use Your Night Dreams to Change Your Life." It teaches people how to remember and interpret their dreams and use that knowledge to help achieve their goals.

She says everyone dreams at night but that children are probably more likely to remember their dreams since they usually don't wake up with the same responsibilities and obligations taking up space in their heads that we do. "Shadows, strange sounds and people in costumes can all be terrifying to young children. The fear of being separated in any way from their parents horrifies many children and is a recurring theme in dreams," she adds.

Case in point, my 9-year-old daughter tells me most of her dreams are scary, and remembers vividly her most recent dream. She's outside playing on the grass when a vampire shows up and directs her into the house where he'll meet her, after he ties his shoe. When she gets in the house though, he's already standing there and yells at her. He points his finger into the air, like he's pushing an imaginary button, and a hole appears that she falls into. Richmond says, "Part of the reason for [scary dreams] is that the world is large and loud. There is so much that a child finds frightening, simply for lack of experience." But as children age, Richmond says their dreams will start reflecting new concerns about things like bullies, gangs and embarrassment at school.

As frightening as they might be for parents to hear sometimes, Richmond believes dreams provide a wonderful window into their emotional and mental health. "They're really good barometers for parents to use to kind of figure out what's going on inside their child's mind. Kids can talk about a dream maybe in a way that they wouldn't have the vocabulary to talk about being scared." She believes if they're sharing a dream about fear, it gives parents a comfortable way to bring up the subject with gentle questions like 'your dream sounds kind of scary. Does it remind you of anything that's going on in your life?' Or, 'Is there anything that I can help you with?' Or, 'Sometimes when I'm afraid, I try to figure out exactly what's scaring me and then I figure out what I can do to protect myself.'

"This would lead into a conversation that would empower the child," she says.

Richmond recommends sharing dreams at the breakfast table or during your morning drive to school. "As they get older - teenagers - a lot of times it's really hard to get them to talk about anything. But if you've already started this dream dialogue and it's a normal part of family, then they're more likely to share that." Interpreting the dream, she adds, isn't so important. "Just listen. Let the dream come gently."

For more information go to www.sedonadreamworks.com.