How to Prepare For Your Child to Enter Puberty

by Dr. Douglas Widdup

Personally, I think parents, especially the novices, should be much more afraid of puberty. They would be scared if they had any inkling of what they were in for! In fact, a well know child development expert recently suggested that puberty may be the reason some species eat their young. I'm not sure I would go that far, but I admit many experienced parents believe the idea has merit. There's no doubt that puberty is the most traumatic of the developmental stages parents see their little dumplings pass through. Virtually everything that once seemed secure in a young person's life is suddenly tested, teased and questioned. There's a great deal to be learned--and unfortunately, there's a tendency to learn it all the hard way.

Most people expect the transition from childhood to adulthood to be confusing and awkward for adolescents, but it's no picnic for their parents either. Why are so many parents caught off guard?" There's undoubtedly dozens of reasons, but here's my picks:

1. Timing. Puberty has it's own sense of timing- and apparently its own sense of humor. Most developmental stages are very time-specific. Puberty, however, has an arrival window that ranges from eight all the way to sixteen.

2. Puberty just doesn't get all the bad publicity it deserves. Parents, especially first timers, aren't alerted and therefore aren't prepared.

Forewarned Is Forearmed

Let's focus on the latter. Clearly innocent parents deserve to be warned about what they are in for. If we warn Floridians about Hurricanes, and Oklahomans about Tornados we sure as heck should warn parents about puberty! Any experienced parent will tell you that standing in a wheat field in front of a twister is a yawner by comparison. Try facing off with what comes out of the mouth of a hormonal adolescent who's whirling through puberty! The thing to stress here is that it's the dramatic emotional and behavioral changes that catch folks off guard. The physical changes aren't a problem; actually, they're kind of fun to watch since there doesn't seem to by any logical sequence to them. Many parents fight back a smile as they watch their child's nose grow like it's about to become an extra elbow. Then, Boom! At the complete other end of their body, their feet explode right out of their shoes. Overnight your once confident, athletic son emerges from his room with the gait of a newborn giraffe.

Although they might be amusing, the physical changes aren't much of a problem for the parents. They've been expecting them and take it in stride. The real problem for parents is the sudden attitude, mood and behavioral changes that piggyback along with the physical changes of puberty. That brings me back to the next point: puberty just doesn't get the negative press it deserves.

A Mini Freddie Kruger In A Baggy Diaper Here, let me give you an example of how effective a timely warning can be. There's another phase in a child's life that parents should be afraid of: "The Terrible Twos". You're smiling right? That's because you've heard about them. In fact I don't think I've ever met a parent that hasn't. See, the Terrible Twos get the bad publicity they deserve. Whoever came up with that term should be right up there on Mount Rushmore with our other national heroes. That simple, two-word alliteration serves as a heads-up warning to parents, and probably releases more stress than the San Andreas Fault. See, when you know what's coming- even if it's terrible- it just doesn't seem so bad.

Picture this. You have a happy, healthy little toddler. Then the baby turns two and, just like that, the kid's terrible. Suddenly you're living with a mini Freddie Kruger in a baggy diaper. But, since you've been warned about the Terrible Twos, you can plan ahead. In fact, if you're a really savvy parent, you might want to put certain delicate household things in storage for the next 12 months. I for one stored my golf clubs, my four-wheeler, and the grandparents.

So, take this as your 'heads up'. Parents of kids approaching puberty have a wonderful opportunity ahead of them, if they make the effort to explore and learn about it. Then all that's needed is some patience, a sense of humor and a huge bottle of aspirin.

Finally, in case you need one more push, here's how an admittedly unprepared mother described her 'puberty-parenting' experience: "I picture my daughter sitting alone in the front seat of an amusement park roller- coaster. I'm crouched down on the floor behind her seat. I can't see or speak. It starts climbing, falling, and rolling. Fast. I'm disorientated and overwhelmed because I never know what's coming next. You have to endure the nausea and listen to all the screaming--but you don't get to experience the thrill of the ride."