9 Steps to Family Forgiveness

by Wendy Silvers, ALSP

Summertime is a time for fun in the sun and for family reunions. The only glitch in a great family gathering can be family feuds….those old festering, unresolved feelings can throw a real wrench in family fun, especially for the one feeling injured by someone's words and behavior. And whatever the infraction may have been, it seems to grow with time. In certain cases, not remaining in touch with a family member makes absolute sense. If you fear for your physical or emotional safety, distancing yourself may be wise. In other situations, when the idea of forgiveness is presented, many people balk. …"But he, but she, but they,"…is a common refrain. Yet, when there will be contact, what is the most self-loving act to take? Forgiveness is the key. To forgive another from a deep place and letting go of the resentment is a high act of self-liberation. Forgiveness is a simple choice to make but not always an easy one to implement.

Here are 9 things to think about when seeking forgiveness with family members. Give yourself some time to sit and contemplate these ideas:

Intention. What's your intention for the time spent together? And what example are you setting for your children? Children internalize verbal and non-verbal communication so think about what you're wanting them to absorb.

What does "forgiving," mean to you? Many times there's a misconception that forgiving is condoning and that's not the case. Forgiveness sets us free rather than keeping us in emotional bondage to the experience and to the person(s) involved.

Expectations. Was there an unexpressed expectation? Are you expecting people to be who they're not? Unexpressed expectations are premeditated resentments, which we set ourselves up to experience.

What's your personal payoff for holding onto grudges? Many times there can be a false sense of empowerment or self-righteous anger over something that occurred and people can be reluctant to let go of this.

Communicate. Are you and the people involved open to communicating so that resolution may be reached? When anyone is attached to being "right," it leaves little room for understanding each other's needs.

Self-love. Be kind to yourself. If that means removing yourself from negative conversation and behavior, do so. Do not fall prey to the false belief that it is noble to remain in situations that are unacceptable." To thine own self be true".

Be willing to see yourself, people and situations differently. Most people are doing the best they can in any given situation. Their best may not work for you but your best may not work for them either.

Remain open to miracles. Miracles are shifts in consciousness that occur all the time.

Have fun.

Wendy Silvers is a Mom, a wife, a Parenting Coach and an Agape licensed Spiritual Practitioner. Wendy facilitates The Secrets of Parenting Workshops and speaks about conscious parenting throughout Los Angeles. She counsels individuals, couples and families in her private practice on embracing themselves and their children with greater love and reverence. She may be reached at wendysilvers@familymagazinegroup.com.