CEO of the House: Buying A Mattress For Your Marriage

King vs. Queen?

by Laurie McDermott

"King or Queen?" Asked the jolly young man in the suit and tie. "Ahhhh, ummmm...." my husband and I responded to him, and every mattress salesperson in Los Angeles. As the most indecisive couple walking the planet, we needed serious help deciding how to best improve our bedroom. Do we buy a King or Queen size mattress and bed? Upon visiting our very first mattress store, my husband and I just stared at the overwhelming rows of beds presented before us when 'Salesman Joe' greeted us. After a savvy sales pitch and a fifteen-minute proclamation on his wife, three offspring and French poodle named Harry, he gave us his personal mattress views on the King vs Queen. His theory was that my husband would probably gain an extra 50 - 60 pounds during the next 20 years and that a bigger bed would allow my husband to simply "grow" into the bed.

Buyer advice number one: Never buy a product from a person who believes you should buy a product because one day you will be fat.

We waited a week before we even thought about visiting another mattress store. "Statistics show most married people have king size beds," said our new well-suited salesman. "Why?" Asked my inquisitive husband. "Well, after thirty years of marriage, you're going to enjoy that extra distance from one another!" The salesman howled with laughter as we sat wondering if he actually made money at his job. Another salesman tried the natural approach, softly coaxing my husband, "Lay on the mattress...try it out...'feel' the bed."

Once my husband climbed aboard, the man sneered at me like an eccentric pervert who secretly taped his customers frolicking on store beds and said, "Hop on there with him." I declined politely. Lying on the mattress is the key to deciding what you like, but with Norman Bates-the-2nd gawking at me, I figured it was best to leave. One saleswoman even tried to relay the female perspective, "You have to have a king size bed if you want your children to sleep with you." "We don't want our children sleeping with us." The snotty saleswoman morphed into my third grade teacher with a patronizing tone, "You will!" While on our search for our perfect mattress, we learned everyone is willing to beat the other guys' price or they will give you the mattress you want for FREE. Sounds good? Buyer beware: What they don't tell you is that you'll never see the exact same mattress at two different stores. Ever. Mattress makers, the clever conglomerates they are, use different names for different beds at every, single store.... Pretty smart huh? We learned that from the salesman who finally sold us our bed. His answer to the King or Queen dilemma? "Well, statistics show, people stay married longer with a queen size bed." My husband and I gloated in unison. It didn't matter if Mr. Salesman made it up or not, his opinion made sense to us. Whenever my husband and I sleep on a king size bed, we end up so far from each other that we literally have to rearrange our bodies to be near the other person. Then as the night wears on, I have to decide if I want to be near him, the warm-bodied husband, or near the bed's edge, where I can quickly access the bathroom for late night runs. King size beds also don't allow a disagreeing couple to make up easily before morning. During an argument on vacation, we both clung to opposite sides of the king size bed, yards away from each other. Besides being angry, I also felt terribly cold and lonely.

Going to bed angry in a Queen size bed allows a couple to "accidentally" find the other's hand or some part of their body...a leg or arm, whereby making up can be done with one squeeze of the hand. More talking may need to be done later, but the anger part is over and everyone is at peace by morning.

That won't happen in a King size bed unless someone signs a petition or waves a flag professing guilt, "I'm sorry...can I visit your side of the bed now."

So learn from us. Try everything. You'll find the mattress you're looking for. Also, shop early in the day when your body is awake and alive. If you go at night when you're tired, everything will feel wonderful. King vs. Queen is a personal decision. For us, we're still not sure! For now, we have our queen bed, the process is over, and sleeping on our amazing new comfy mattress was well worth the search.