Internet Dating: A Modern Way to Meet Other Singles

by April Caires

In the romantic comedy Must Love Dogs, Diane Lane, 8-months post divorce, braves the world of online romance only to find herself in hapless encounter after hapless encounter with less-than-thrilling men. Lane's experience exemplifies the stereotypes we've all heard about: that online dating is for "losers"; that it's a scam; that the people you'll meet online are weird if not dangerous; or that online dating just plain doesn't work. But despite the stereotypical portrayal, the film also highlighted a new reality: the growing number of people--including single and divorced or widowed parents--participating in online matchmaking.

Internet romance is now a fact of dating life and, if you're a single parent who wants to take a shot at dating again, it's one worth informed consideration. As is true with all singles, it's important for single parents to know what they're getting into. So, if you're among those thinking about giving online love a shot this February 14th, here are 14 Tips for surfing seekers:

1. Get over the stigmas - Online dating isn't what it used to be, nor is it necessarily what you might expect: a tackier version of the old personal ads. With literally dozens of sites to choose from, the offerings are more varied and--due to the heightened competition--more credible than ever before. And, with the time constraints of work and kids, more people than ever before are giving it a shot. The bottom line: What all these people are realizing is that online dating is simply an innovative, efficient, and convenient way of meeting new people.

2. Take stock - Assess your goals and expectations. What do you want out of the experience: A marriage partner? A decent night out without the kids? A chance to rebuild your confidence in the dating arena? Ask yourself honestly what you are after, and what you realistically want out of dating at this point in your life. You have to know what you're looking for in order to get what you want.

3. Do your homework - As noted above, dozens of sites will vie for your attention. Choose wisely, based on your individual needs and goals. If you are religious, look for a site that highlights and promotes that aspect of life. Depending on how serious or casual your dating pursuits are, you may choose sites that are fee-based or those that are free, those that require extensive screening and personality profiling, or those that are relatively open to all.

4. Talk to your kids - Odds are, your kids are more web-savvy than you anyway. Communicating with their own friends or "crushes" most likely involves "chatting", emailing, IMing, blogging, or other verbs new to the English language. Your kids may hold some stigmas of their own against the process, but they just might be more open to it than you think. If they are emotionally ready and old enough, you may even selectively enlist their participation in your dating process. Have them help you choose which pictures to post or talk to them about the personality test results. Use your best judgment of course - only you know your kids, and your privacy boundaries should never be compromised in a way that makes you--or your kids--feel uncomfortable. The important thing is to be open with your kids about your desire to date again and your choice to use the Internet to meet interesting new people.

5. Budget for the endeavor (both time and money) - Many sites bill subscribers on a monthly basis, but with frequent promotions and coupons, a good deal isn't hard to find. The more serious commitment may be your time. If you are serious about dating (and about getting your money's worth) doing so online will require a significant investment of your time. Set aside some time every day or every other day to keep up with communications.

6. Talk to friends - Get input from those who've tried online dating. Ask for their advice, listen to their stories. Word of mouth can be a helpful indicator of which sites you might interested in pursuing and which ones aren't worth the effort. If none of your friends have done it, look for websites where people offer reviews of the various services. Check out edatereview.com or DatingSiteComparisons.com.

7. Prepare mentally - Dating online, like dating in any other venue, brings with it a roller coaster of emotions. Prepare yourself for the inevitable disappointments, the bad first dates, disappointing second dates, or - periodically - for no dates at all. Take a balanced approach: meeting people online will be like meeting people elsewhere in your life, you'll meet some you like, some who don't, some who never call you back, some who you will never want to call back. If you prepare yourself for this inevitability ahead of time, you're sure to keep your wits through the insanity.

8. Be genuine - This is crucial! From your personality profile to the pictures you post, it's crucial to present your true self, not your ideal self. Be authentic about who you are and what you're looking for in a mate, and this includes your family ties. You expect nothing less from those you date!

9. Be safe - Most sites will give safety warnings. Follow these, and your own common sense: always meet in public places and make sure someone knows where you are.

10. Go at your own pace - Communicate with people via email for as long as you want, or move to meet in person sooner if you'd rather. There are no rules. Just move at a pace that's comfortable for you.

11. Give it time - Although the billboards and pop-up ads make it seem like lasting love is just a click away, in reality we all know that searching for a mate online is just like any other kind of dating: it takes time. E-harmony.com, one dating site option, recommends you give your search process at least a year of solid time investment.

12. Avoid negativity - Nothing will ruin the experience more for both you and your potential dates than a heaping dose of negativity. Be authentic, but keep the tone positive overall.

13. Be open, but don't compromise your standards - Don't write people off right away. Give every match you find attractive a fair shot, but never neglect your own standards.

14. Look at it as an adventure - Through it all, have fun! This is, after all, what dating in any form is meant to be.