Taming A Spoiled Child

Fix It Fast with Nanny Stella

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I have just seen the movie "Fred Claus" with Vince Vaughn, a comedy about the "not so nice," some would even say "naughty" brother of Santa Claus. In it, Fred, an adult, talks about the fact that no child WANTS to be naughty or, for the purposes of my task, spoiled, and I hasten to add I agree.

When I think of the word "spoiled," I think of spoiled food. Not a nice way to think of our children, is it? When you think of a spoiled child, do you think of spoiled as in the child has way too many toys/possessions and does not appreciate them or do you think spoiled as in throwing tantrums and screaming at the top of their lungs in the grocery store? Either way, the remedy is still the same.

First of all, the parent of said child has to take it on the chin that the child was not born that way. They were created over time by the parent allowing and buying into the tantrums, whines and demands. "Simple requests" over time become demands and, eventually, threats from "spoiled" kids.

Remember, children do not spoil themselves. You need to accept that, before your child can change his/her attitude, you have to change yours. It is our job as parents to meet the valid needs of our children. It is not our job to give in to them to the extent that every demand they have is met.

Step 1 is to create some rules where, most likely, there were none before. It is time to set some clear firm limits. Let your child know what is expected of their behavior and what the consequences will be for behavior that is not acceptable.

For example, "Bad behavior is not allowed and the consequence will be a "time out". This discipline is a simple one-minute time out per year of the child's age, so for a 3-year-old, 3 minutes, and so on. In the case of an older child, you may need to upgrade this to the removal of privileges, depending on the transgression.

Next comes clear communication and consistency. You have to have credibility with your children. If you say they are going in time out, then that's where they go. At the same time, rules must remain consistent. If the rule is no jumping on the couch today, then it should be the same tomorrow.

Patience is definitely needed when changing these bad habits that were created over time. A child did not become spoiled overnight and it won't be remedied overnight. However, if you are clear and consistent and, most of all, have the constitution to follow though, it won't be very long before your child is scrumptious and delicious once more just like unspoiled food.

Have a question about your kids for Nanny Stella? Ask her at nannystella@familymagazinegroup.com!