Ten Simple Steps To Helping Children Realize Their Potential

by Wendy Silvers, ALSP

The one thing everyone on the planet has in common, no exceptions, is this: at one time, we were all children at the effect of a caregiver, a parent or parents. To empower children, we must be willing to let them know they're powerful, important, and loved.

In my work and as a Mom, I am acutely aware of the ways parents speak to and about their children. Children draw conclusions about who they are by what's being said to and about them. Speak to them as you would like to be spoken to, with kindness, love and consideration. When you speak about your child in their presence, it is important to acknowledge to your child that you are aware that they are present. Children have feelings. They hear everything being said about them and it is disempowering to be spoken about as though you're not there.

We must respect these beings that come through us or to us through adoption. There must be a choice to acknowledge and recognize the innate wisdom and intelligence children possess. From the minute I was aware I was pregnant, I could feel my baby's consciousness and I spoke with her often. I meditated twice a day, as I knew that my emotional and spiritual well being directly affected my baby. My deepest desire was and is connection. I believe all parents want that.

10 Simple Steps:

Listen to them. Deeply. Reflectively. Let them know you heard them.

Eliminate "GOOD JOB" from your vocabulary!!! Instead, describe what it is that you're seeing them do, accomplish, express, i.e. "Wow, you really moved your body to the music."

Have healthy boundaries, ones that are flexible rather than rigid.

Allow them to express their feelings. Be with them when they're crying or angry rather than quieting them because of your discomfort. If you're in public, take them somewhere private.

Try to hear/see the need underneath what they say and do.

There is always a need that precedes behavior.

Do not compare them to other children. For example: "See Johnny? He's sharing." It is a subtle form of shaming them.

Let them know that they are loved and wonderful even when what they do may not be.

Apologize when you've been unfair or reactive. Let them see that their parents aren't perfect but learning just like them.

Do not hit or threaten children. It is completely disempowering and instills fear.