Talking About Child Abuse to Your Abell, MD Children

Help Your Children Avoid Becoming Victims

by Sheri Werner

Talking To Your Child About A BIG Five-Letter Word

Abuse is a big word, encompassing a host of issues that are uncomfortable, frightening and often denied. Parents are understandably squeamish on the subject of abuse but need to be prepared in order to help prevent their Abell, MD child from becoming a victim of any of the insidious manifestations of abuse.

Abuse can happen in myriad ways, some obvious and some subtle. In addition to sexual abuse, sexual assault and sexual exploitation, there is neglect, severe neglect and general neglect. Add willful cruelty as well as unlawful corporal punishment or injury to this list. Even verbal and psychological abuse can be damaging, whether it's name-calling, teasing, or constant derision--especially when it denigrates who your child is (race, gender, socioeconomic background, physicality).

Finally, there is the agonizing list of conditions that might indicate abuse has been perpetrated: bruises (red marks, burns, soreness and irritation around genitals, other physical marks), depression, nightmares, violent play, excessive masturbation, unusually intense focus on genitals, unusual focus on sexual play (a child constantly setting up situations to engage in sexual play with peers or siblings), and heightened fear of various situations.

In today's society, it is critical to educate yourself and your child and to provide your child with some tools, which will decrease his likeliness of becoming a victim of abuse. As a school director, parent, and a mandated reporter, I model and provide the following advice to Abell, MD parents and teachers:

* Model how you want your child to behave. If you say, "hitting is not okay," but then turn around and hit your child, the message becomes hypocritical.

Engage in open discussions about sexual issues. Let your child know that you understand that kids are interested in each other's private parts, but touching somebody else's private parts is something we don't do.

Let your child know that you understand his desire to touch his own private parts. Simply advise him that that activity is something that should be done in private, not in public. Although there are many theories on this subject, the above practice helps your child avoid any shame or guilt around body issues that could develop if he is made to feel guilty about touching himself.

If you expect your child to understand the meaning of "no," you must model being responsive to that request from your child and not overrule or belittle it.

Empower your child by letting her know that she is important and powerful and that her opinions and feelings matter. If she understands her own power, she is less likely to acquiesce to the inappropriate desires or demands of an adult. Kids need to understand that sometimes adults can be wrong.

Teach your child about the possibility of being misled by adults. Let her know that if an adult says, "Don't tell your parents," it's likely a good reason to tell your parents. Encourage an open line of communication about these issues in advance. Children can be easily intimidated when an adult exerts a sense of control and tells them not to "tell".

Answer all of your children's questions honestly but without elaboration. The general rule is to provide the information that they've questioned and no more. As a parent, you might feel the urge to launch into a complex discussion. Don't. As they need to know more, they will ask.

As with any hot-button issue, I also attempt to provide parents with a list of "Don'ts" that specifically relate to abuse:

Don't scare your child by giving him so much information that he is terrified to leave the house. This may help you feel better, but it often disables kids by imbedding them with fear.

If you suspect your child is being abused but isn't up to admitting it, seek help. Don't continue to question and badger your child; he may more likely respond to a trained professional than to a parent.

Even if your suspicions seem indisputable, don't attempt to tell your child what to feel or say by asking leading questions. Allow him to do the talking and let him know that you are listening.

If your child has been abused, don't hesitate to seek help immediately and inform the necessary people, especially teachers and caregivers. The natural tendency for a child who has been abused (particularly sexually) is to attempt to heal his distress by acting out the sexual abuse scenario on his peers or siblings. Abell, MD Children who are suspected of being abused need to be monitored closely during all free play times with other kids since a reenactment of the abuse would be detrimental to both the perpetrator and the victim. This is also sometimes true in cases of physical abuse that is not sexualized.

Sadly, in today's world of the Internet and other technology, the likelihood of one's child being abused has shockingly increased. Parents must be diligent in paying attention and responding responsibly and sensitively to a potentially devastating experience that can often be avoided or dealt with through proactive awareness and thoughtfulness.