Helping Children Live Safely Ever After

Angels Among Us

by Jill Weinlein

What would you do if a registered sexual offender lived in your neighborhood? Pattie Fitzgerald and her young daughter moved to Long Island, New York and discovered she had a very bad neighbor, or as she tells small children, a "tricky" person, living nearby. Instead of moving or living in fear, she became proactive and enrolled in a workshop taught by the Parents for Megan's Law, a community and victim's right organization. With the skills she learned, she confidently taught her daughter about Stranger-Danger.

Two years later, when she and her daughter moved to Santa Monica, California, she decided to start her own workshop to teach "safe smarts" to children and parents and called it Safely Ever After. She teaches adults and children in a fun motherly voice and vibe. "When a police officer comes to teach Stranger-Danger at a school with his uniform and gun, it can scare kids," shared Fitzgerald. "I dress like a mom, get down to kids' level, and we learn how to be safe in a non-fearful and playful manner." I observed one of her Safely Ever After workshops tailored to kids 5 to 8 years old at the Treehouse Social Club in Los Angeles. The two partners of the Treehouse Social Club, actress Tricia Leigh Fisher and Jeannine Chanin brought their sons, Holden and Cole. These kids participated in the activities and never seemed bored. They asked many questions and offered their own advice if faced with a "tricky" person. Afterwards, Fitzgerald gave them a crown, a sticker, a 10-safety rules bookmark, and a safety coloring book, all designed to reinforce what the children learned in the workshop. "Being safe means doing something that can't hurt you. Dangerous means don't do it, it can hurt you," Fitzgerald stressed in the class. She held up pictures of life scenarios and had the kids put their thumbs up to pictures that were safe, and thumbs down if the picture was something dangerous. Fitzgerald shared that "Grown-ups ask grown-ups for help. If a grown-up asks a kid for help, he is a 'tricky' person." She kept the kids entertained by calling them "boss", since they are the boss of their bodies. She sang, danced, and creatively got the message out without scaring anyone.

Safety Tips You Can Apply Now Here are some helpful tips Pattie shares with parents and their children. The acronym SAFES is a good tool to help reinforce and role-play with your children:

See Look around. Be aware of who is in your environment. Be sure your child is always near an ultimate safe grown-up (mom, dad, sitter, or nanny).

Act If a "tricky" person gives your child a "thumbs down" feeling, have them take 3 steps back, yell loudly, and run in the opposite direction.

Feelings Sadly, 90% of childhood exploitation occurs by someone your child knows, not by a stranger. It's important your child learns to listen to their feelings. "It's like a bell inside your heart. If that bell goes off that someone wants to hurt you, tell your child to ACT," said Fitzgerald. "Kids don't have to be polite to someone who makes them feel "uh-oh." Teach your child to scream out, "No", "Stop It Now", "I don't like that", or "That's not OK!"

When I was ten-years old, a "tricky" person asked my friend and me to help him find a home for one of his puppies in his car. He kept giving us an address that I knew didn't exist and tried to lure us over to a car. Fortunately, a bell went off in my heart and I thought, "Uh-oh this doesn't feel right." I took a couple steps back and ran like the wind all the way home. I told my mom, and she immediately called the police.

Emergency If a child is separated from their parent at a store or park, Fitzgerald urges the child to Freeze in one place and yell "Mom, Mom, Mom." If mom doesn't come running, then tell them to find another mom with kids. Tell her the situation and ask to use her cell phone to call mom. Nowadays, every mom has a cell phone and kids should memorize the number for emergencies.

SHHH! Assure your children that it's OK to tell you everything, even if a person made them "promise not to say a word" or threatens them. Kids should never keep secrets from their ultimate safe grownup. Explain that, if a "tricky" person causes them to feel confused, frightened, or uncomfortable, it's OK to say "NO!" and run away – even from an adult authority. Tell your child the family rule is NO SECRETS ALLOWED. Children need to feel special and safe. Studies show that children who feel valued and loved by their parents are less likely to fall prey to a predator. Children who lack affection and attention are more likely to be seduced by a predator's charm. Let your child know how special they are to you everyday. Teach your children to be safe so they may live a long and healthy life.

For information on upcoming Safely Ever After workshops or to book one for your school, home party, or Mommy & Me group, call Pattie at (310) 203-1330 or email her at: pattie@safelyeverafter.com.

Jill Weinlein is an award winning writer and mother of two children. She can be reached at weinlein@sbcglobal.net